I am very sorry to hear this. Diane, I understand your situation.
Not many know this, but I was an Army Captain in Vietnam and served as an advisor with the Vietnamese. I was Team Leader of MACV Advisory Team 1, stationed in Hue. working along the DMZ and in the Khe Sanh area adjacent to the Laotian border. The only thing worse than being shot at is taking a life, in fear for YOUR life or your buddy’s life. Time will lessen the trauma, but I strongly suggest you seek professional help. There is no shame in that, your trauma is real. Keeping those feelings inside is not a good plan. God bless.
And thank you for all you have done for the craft you love so dearly. You’re a legend.